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  • Venting Need Advice and Support

    Ok this is about my girlfriend. Shes the first real gf ive had. I'm a jr in high school and we have been dating now for almost 10 months and didn't really see an end to us. We get along great and love each other. I know about the whole "teen" love thing lol but i think this has been real. Anyways im a really good kid. Advanced classes in school don't party and just good i think. Her family is Mormon and im not....where the problems begin. Her parents never really made me feel comfortable at their house. They have all these weird rules and control her life big time.
    Anyways the mistrust started when they saw a tiny little hickey i accidentally gave her when we were just fooling around. They also saw a couple texts and what not because they spy on her phone. I guess they were "inappropriate" but we weren't being 100% serious. Well it kept getting worse and they made us "break up" which we never did and kept dating for a month or so only seeing each other at school or sneaking around. Our relationship was different from other kids our age. It was more mature i guess..until her parents freaked over something that's not a big deal. Now her parents say they don't like me because I was not Mormon.
    Now she is moving over 4 hours away, but we've both known for months that this was probably going to happen. She comes to my town every month or so and we could try to see each other then. We don't really know what to do. We know it won't work out like this for ever. We agreed to try and then probably break up staying good "friends" still in case we meet again. Any advice? Feedback? It's so weird not seeing her at all now.
    Air 77s
    ALLZ 09 w/ grooves


  • #2
    Well. I'd say drop it. Stay 'friends', but honestly I think long distance relationships are just asking for trouble. If you meet again later in life you'll be on good terms and you can see what happens, but if you try to make it work you might just be worse off.
    Not that I know you, her, or anything else.
    Chickens with Spruce Pro Lite
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    • #3
      I know you probably want advice from someone around your age, but here is my take on it.

      If you are serious show your commitment and go to church with her family, dress up, and be respectful during the entire outing.

      I know from personal exprience what it is like to date a mormon and quite a few of my friends are mormon also (I grew up one town over from Palmyra, NY where they hold their pagent)

      I know others will think the distance is a bigger obstacle to overcome, but most mormons are very, very protective of their children and the things you describe in your post are actually a pretty big deal to a mormon.

      I'm willing to bet her parents felt they were being very lenient in allowing her to date someone from outside the church and they more than likely feel their trust wasn't returned.

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      • #4
        I do agree with what's been said already. I just figured I'd add a little more.

        I'd say you should try at a long distance friendship. If the friendship can't work long distance, the relationship would have ended with a bad breakup most likely.

        I also agree with respecting her parent's wishes. Gain some respect from them and that will go a long way. If you can keep in touch and keep a healthy relationship they approve of, you'll have a much better chance of things working out.

        Remember, if it's meant to be, it will be. If it doesn't work out...you'll both be alright although it will be very hard at times.
        ~harry

        @HarrySiii
        -Skier turned snowboarder turned skiboarder
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        • #5
          I've tried gaining the respect of her parents. I was a gentlemen...went to church events and helped out with some stuff. Her little brothers loved me and i treated them like family. After trying harder than any one should have to to gain her parents good graces...and like i said i am a good kid...they instantly thought i was some horrible kid after they saw what ive already said. They wont even mention my name in their house. What texting we do is secret. Her parents are too stubborn to try again...like ive said i already put myself out there to them. Thanks for the advice so far though.
          Air 77s
          ALLZ 09 w/ grooves

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          • #6
            Originally posted by Nick21861 View Post
            I've tried gaining the respect of her parents. I was a gentlemen...went to church events and helped out with some stuff. Her little brothers loved me and i treated them like family. After trying harder than any one should have to to gain her parents good graces...and like i said i am a good kid...they instantly thought i was some horrible kid after they saw what ive already said. They wont even mention my name in their house. What texting we do is secret. Her parents are too stubborn to try again...like ive said i already put myself out there to them. Thanks for the advice so far though.
            well, keep doing it. as far as the texts...they won't like it, but if she's texting you, there's not much you can do about that.

            good luck, bro. if she's right for you, they'll understand eventually. just don't push it...like it sounds like you are (not pushing it, that is).
            ~harry

            @HarrySiii
            -Skier turned snowboarder turned skiboarder
            -RVL8 2010 KTP, RVL8 Receptors
            -RVL8 EMP, Line FF Pro
            -Deeluxe 225 (FINALLY a boot I can wear!)

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            • #7
              Stubborn parents are not fun to deal with. You're young. I say move on.

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              • #8
                dito
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                • #9
                  Everybody thinks their first real GF is going to be "the one" but the odds are against that. If it really is supposed to happen it will find a way. If you find that you're having to fight and fight and force it and it's driving you nuts, it's probably not what you really want anyways.
                  2008 Revolt "Trees" with Blue Groove X1's
                  2007 BWPs with Line FreeFlex

                  "It isn't for the moment you are struck that you need courage, but for the long up hill battle to faith, sanity and security." - Anne Lindbergh

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by JonnyRingo84 View Post
                    Everybody thinks their first real GF is going to be "the one" but the odds are against that. If it really is supposed to happen it will find a way. If you find that you're having to fight and fight and force it and it's driving you nuts, it's probably not what you really want anyways.
                    True that man. I don't really think shes the one...but i know we got more than the typical high school relationship. It's driving me nuts though lol. Ya we'll see what happens. If anyone cares enough lol i'll keep it updated
                    Air 77s
                    ALLZ 09 w/ grooves

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                    • #11
                      Good luck, Nick. If it's any consolation, you strike me as the sort of thoughtful young man most folks (read: parents) would like to see their daughters date.

                      I enjoy history, especially the American West. If you get a chance in the course of school projects and so forth, read up on Jim Bridger, the famous frontiersman, trapper and mountain man. He happens to be one of my heroes. If you do, you'll see how this applies to your situation.

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                      • #12
                        I was about to drop some relatively vulgar advice but then I noticed you're not even 18 yet. Soooo um yeah skip that idea...here's the toned down version.

                        I know it sucks but you can't spend all day dwelling on it. Don't forget her and not care, but move on with your life and expect her to do the same. There will always be another girl that wants to {go to the movies} with you and {hold your hand} afterward.
                        2008 Revolt "Trees" with Blue Groove X1's
                        2007 BWPs with Line FreeFlex

                        "It isn't for the moment you are struck that you need courage, but for the long up hill battle to faith, sanity and security." - Anne Lindbergh

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                        • #13
                          Remember that unfortunately she is still in their house under their roof, so she does have to abide by their rules.
                          But also remember 17 is almost 18!

                          With tech these days there are many many ways to keep under the radar. buy her a super cheap go phone that you guys can text on privately without her parents even knowing she has!

                          as an x mormon, I know many like me have denounced their religion, or she might dive deeper into it.
                          Have a talk with her about your future together and what her plans are. Seriously look into yourself and see what you are willing to do for this girl. Would you be baptized for her? Would you ask her to walk away from her family and religion?

                          It might be best to separate on good terms then to drag it down.

                          anyway, all these are your descisions.

                          I am merely the devil's advocate saying get that secret phone her parents dont even know about and send some naughty pics!
                          '11 DLP
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                          • #14
                            i was with a girl for about a year and a half. it was a rocky relationship at times. me and her dad got in a fight on new years and i ended up with a busted open lip. (he showed up to pick her up drunk and i wouldn't let her go home with him.) so he basically shut her out of her life. she was living with her mom and step dad. but her step dad treated her like shit. so when she graduated high school he kicked her out so she came to live with me at my parents house (this is june of 08). i left for basic Sept of 08 and by then she had fixed things with her dad so she went back to live with him. before i left for basic i proposed to her and she said yes. so time goes bye and she comes down with my parents to see my graduation in nov. then i got to see her for a couple days in jan. but that was it. we were planning out a wedding and then all of the sudden out of the blue she left me. i had already bought the ring and had bought us a 2 year cell phone contract with 2 new phones. it was really hard for me to get over her. it took alot of time man. at times i realize there is still times i miss her. but then you realize that it is over and the past is the past. maybe one day you will meet again but there is no point in livingi n the past. the past is over. you have no control over the past or the future. the only thing you have control over is the current moment.

                            so in short i say let it go. be friends. live for the day. live like there's no tomorrow... because tomorrow may never come.
                            Sessions Flicker Pinups jacket/DC Denier-d pants
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                            • #15
                              it's over. Time to find a new girl bro.


                              ONE TIME I HUNG OUT WITH DAVE LYNAM IN PERSON

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