Looking to Improve Myeslf

[DennisEvans]

Okay everybody, people that know me on here maybe not in person but that have been around long enough to at least have read what I have written, I need something from you. Not something that is a physical object, I need something that you will probably enjoy giving me, I need your outright critique of me. Say whatever you want, tell me good, tell me bad, tell me why the fuck I (whatever). I don't care what comes out, anything anyone can tell me is good. I'm fucked up but from the inside looking out and back in it starts to get unrealistic to believe that I can see my own faults. While I know I have faults, I don't know what they are, and the same goes with good things, I honestly can't think of a good thing about myself either.

So just let her rip, I have no dignity or pride anymore so just give me what you've got.

[ChaseMe]

Your helmet might give you blindspots. You almost took me out twice last JayJam when I was on your left side.

[slow]

10 ways

GOM,

I have no reason to beleive you are F'd up. We all carry baggage from our past, some baggage easier to let go of than other baggage. A positive outlook and how we move forward are key to being happy with ourselves.

I came across the following list of 10 ways to be a better person a number of years ago. This is not directed to you GOM, rather your thread just allows me to post it here for all to benefit from. I have this reminder mounted in front of me in my office, and find it of value when I need to give myself a kick in the hind side to be a better person.

10 WAYS TO BECOME MORE VALUABLE TO YOURSELF AND EVERYONE ELSE

Say what you mean and mean what you say. Get to the point and don't make promises you can't keep. Forge a reputation for reliability. Yes, remain flexible, but remember that you don't always have to bend over backwards.

Go the extra mile. Ask yourself what little touches you can offer to improve your performance. If you help a co-worker copy some documents, go the extra mile and ask if she needs a hand stapling them. Going the extra mile need not involve a large expense of time, energy or money, but its value to the recipient is often priceless, and one day, it will be reciprocated.

Maintain your integrity and dignity. You will feel better about yourself if you set high standards and stand by them. You will attract those who respect your standards and who have standards of their own.

Be helpful. What goes around comes around. If you want people to be helpful to you, you must first be helpful to others. It doesn't matter whether this is voluntarily assisting your boss with a special project or an elderly neighbour struggling up the stairs with her arms full. People do remember kindnesses.

Be truthful. Honesty truly is the best policy. Nobody trusts a liar. If you've made a mistake, well, welcome to the human race! Don't lie to cover it up. Likewise, there are gentle and tactful ways of delivering truths to others. Think before you speak.

Respond from your heart. We tend to respond to others using our head, not our heart. Find something good to say about people and to people. Build people up-instead of knocking them down.

Be interested-not interesting. People love to talk about themselves and will delight in the opportunity to do so. Have you ever met someone who only talks about himself? Judging, arguing points, interrupting the conversation and using "I" a lot are sure signs you need to review your communication skills.

Be a good listener. It takes practice to be a good listener, but being one shows respect and allows you to better comprehend the other person's real message. You'll avoid misunderstandings and missed instructions. And the other person will appreciate your attention and return the courtesy.

Respect others. Respect is not about material issues or where one sits on the social ladder. Respect is acknowledging another human being's dignity and treating them the way you want to be treated.

Don't be judgmental. Being judgmental wastes time and cuts you off from opportunities and meaningful relationships. Remember that you are not perfect. In fact, your judgment might be worse than that of the person you are judging!

[DennisEvans]

This all came up because two days ago I found out that the only chick I wanted to date in high school is dating another guy and the medication I was on caused me to fall into a suicidal depression, I was sitting, shaking under my desk with a knife against my neck with music full blast for an hour and a half. It doesn't bother me that she's dating another guy it's the fact that I know this guy and he is exactly like me.

needless to say I stopped the medication later that day.

[FightingForAir]

Just my 2 cents: We're all messed up to some degree. Some people just hide it better than others. As well, a lot of it depends on your benchmark ... it's all relative. If our focus is on ourselves compared to an ideal standard, we will always fall short.

I have to second these from Slow:

Be interested-not interesting.

Be a good listener.

Respect others.

... and add one more:

Count your blessings. No matter how bad we may think we have it at times, there will always be those who have it much, much worse. Every time I've wanted to have a pity party over some event in my life, I've been able to check that by remembering just how good I really have it.

In assessing things from the right perspective, you may very well discover you are living a charmed life ... be thankful for that. You have a roof over your head and food in your stomach = bonus. You're getting an education = bonus. You have a body that allows you to skiboard and a bit of money with which to do it = bonus. You have a job = bonus. You have a network of people who are passionate about that same sport you are = double-bonus. Millions and millions of people all over the world don't have any of that.

Live well, shift your focus away from "me", respond to a call for something you have to give or offer to someone else and you may find yourself feeling much more content, more stable and at peace with who you are and where you are going. You may also find yourself being much more in control of your emotional responses so you are not a victim of the circumstances of your life, but rather a master over them.

Good reading on this subject: "As a Man Thinketh" by James Allen. Very short book but worth double its weight in gold.

[nate]

I may be a little biased on the subject, but I really recommend Jesus.
Seriously, find a church, ask questions. If it's a place worth being the people will love to do whatever they can for you.

[dis]

I totally agree with nate. My friends from church are probably the most supportive group of people in my life. They're there for me, and I'm there for them. You get to a point where you realize that everyone had problems of some sort, and you've probably got something to offer to help out, even if it's just lending an ear, or being in the same room.

[ChaseMe]

This all came up because two days ago I found out that the only chick I wanted to date in high school is dating another guy and the medication I was on caused me to fall into a suicidal depression, I was sitting, shaking under my desk with a knife against my neck with music full blast for an hour and a half. It doesn't bother me that she's dating another guy it's the fact that I know this guy and he is exactly like me.

needless to say I stopped the medication later that day.

Wow man, glad you made it through that. I hope these feelings have subsided since the medication stop?!

In any case no matter what you do, DO NOT try to make sense of Women. It will drive you nuts, and to the point of losing your mind. I gave up a long time ago, and I do what needs to be done to get by.

[DennisEvans]

I came up with a list of what I notice about myself incase anyone was curious:
• I am unconfident
• I feel socially inept
• I don’t laugh at things in movies and tv shows that I should be horrified at
• I feel alone
• I feel like an outsider
• I don’t easily make friends
• I am 20 and have never even been on a date
• I feel like people actively avoid me
• I think very little of myself
• In terms of relationships I have a mere few
• I work hard at trying to make relationships work only to get shut down and left to spiraling depression
• I don’t like large groups
• I’ve got no right to take my place with the human race (to quote the smiths)
• My time management is getting worse
• I am becoming even more disorganized
• I feel like people think/know there is something off about me
• I don’t want to be part of ohio society
• Everything, with the exception of skiing and education, I do for other people
• I spend a good amount of time trying to get to know myself
• I don’t feel like I know who I am
• I am easily confused by the simplest of social edicts
• I feel like I jump from one social faux pas to the next
• I am extremely intelligent
• I have become unable to express what I am thinking in a verbal context
• I become irritated with people I deem to be inferior easily
• I can’t find many good things about myself
• I feel conceded if I point out something good about myself or that I did something well
• I feel like I am wasting everyone else’s time by going to appointments
• I scare people off because of the way I react to events that shouldn’t make me angry
• I push people out of my life if I can’t get anything from them after working so hard to get to know them
• I will be unable to read this list out loud
• I am unable to find fault or positives about myself verbally but am able to write them down
• I feel like a complete stranger even when I am around people that I know are accepting of me

[ElkCloner]

I may be a little biased on the subject, but I really recommend Jesus.
Seriously, find a church, ask questions. If it's a place worth being the people will love to do whatever they can for you.

I totally agree with nate. My friends from church are probably the most supportive group of people in my life. They're there for me, and I'm there for them. You get to a point where you realize that everyone had problems of some sort, and you've probably got something to offer to help out, even if it's just lending an ear, or being in the same room.

3rded

I used to suffer from a lot of the same things you do.
Granted, never got quite as far, but some of them still come back from time to time.

One thing that I've learned is that there is no soul that is unredeemable

[mahatma]

GOM,

The answer here is dead simple - stop obsessing. Really. It's 100% within your control. Stop making life an on/off switch. Spread yourself around. Go here and do this. Then, go there and do that. Commit to nothing but your studies. That's the only thing you are allowed to be obsessive about. Everything else is by design casual. Make it a point to not disagree with the new people you meet. It doesn't matter that they're boneheads. Do not disagree with them. Try to actually enjoy them. It doesn't matter. They are temporary. In a few weeks you'll meet some other group. Same thing there. Don't look for meaning. It will find you. If you find meaning then throw it back. You're obsessing. Meaning will find you. You'll know the difference when it happens.

Some of the other guys have a good point with the church. Why? Because the church will show you a greater meaning. This normal life stuff will be put in its' place when the context is correct. A higher purpose is that context. You'll see things in the correct light. Now, if you dismiss that suggestion then you are obsessing again and need to stop. How is that obsessing? You are creating a barrier. You need to reach the point where you admit your own thinking is doing you in and then be willing to take someone else's thinking for a test drive. The church is a pretty honest place to test other people's thinking. I mean, could others thoughts honestly be worse than your own? Of course not. I'm right.

Go to church. Meet a pretty girl. Invite her to a movie. Write and tell me I was 100% correct. See how easy that is. I can almost guarantee it will happen in exactly that way. Just do what I said. Nothing more. Nothing less.

If someone tells you that you should not go to church to meet girls I say laugh that fool in the face. That's exactly where you should go to meet girls. Since when was going to church a boy only activity? Since when was church a place you should NOT meet others or NOT forge new relationships? Don't listen to losers. Listen to the Mahatma.

[UpstatedNY]

My advice.

If you are in a blue mood a sad movie isn't going to help make you feel better. Try and match your mood to the activites in your life.

I love Tori Amos, but I refuse to listen to her when I'm in certain moods, beacuse her music can add to an already blah day.

I don't suffer from depression, but I support someone who does. I watch her mood shifts and I try and change our environment to help.

Try listening to something "lighter" The Smiths is pretty heavy shit, when you already feeling weighted.

As for you as a person, I have no idea, a forum isn't a good place to really get to know people. But, I can say you did offer me help and that was pretty great.

[Karl]

I was going to post the same as mahatma, in not so many words basically. About 6-7 years ago, when I was ur same age I could have wrote that same list you did. When it came down to it though I realized if I stopped trying to delve into my thoughts and make some meaning of them I felt a lot better and was able to move on with my life. At first it felt like I was abandoning my thoughts and it wasn't right but slowly I realized when I was in certain states of mind to just stop and release those thoughts because the more and more I tried to psychoanalyze myself the worse and worse it got until I was in the dark places you were. I stopped listening to music that depressed me altogether and that helped as well. Luckily metal was not depressing for me, at least most of it, and I could use that as an outlet for some of my frustrations. Over time though I was able to balance things out and lead a semi normal life, which is really ideal for me because I detest normalcy.

[Courtney]

GOM - I thought of someone I used to know after reading your list. You and him are a like in many ways.

This point particularly stuck out to me.
- I am extremely intelligent

Being intelligent shouldn't be something you hold above others. If you're intelligent, great, you don't need to let others know you feel this way about yourself - no matter how true it is.

This may come out weird, but I'll try to make my point anyway. When you're trying to make friends, meet / get to know people of your own age - you shouldn't try to make the point that you're intelligent. After people get to know you and interact with you, they'll realize you're not stupid. You don't need to prove your intelligence to your peers, it should come naturally. People don't want to get the feeling that you think you're smarter than anyone else. If this is how it comes across, it turns people off right away.

Also I'd recommend trying not to over analyze situations. If you're thinking too much about what you're going to say or do next you'll come off as awkward in social situations. Try to just be your natural self.

[Mark]

live in the moment.

the past is over.


the future hasn't happened yet.