if you laugh, you lose

[harrysiii]

haha - they have another one on their site:

[Greco]

[Dave Bloom]

I wonder what Emilio Estevez has to say about this?

[slow]

I love this Doctor!

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is
this true?
A: Your heart only good for so many beats, and that it...don't waste on
exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you
live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster.
Want to live longer? Take nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiency. What does cow eat? Hay and
corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So steak is nothing more than
efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain?
Eat chicken. Beef also good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable).
And pork chop can give you 100% ofrecommended daily allowance of vegetable
product.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that
mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that
way. Beer also made of grain. Bottom up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If you
have two bodies, your ratio two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise
program?
A: Can't think of single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No pain...good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food are fried these day in vegetable oil. In fact,
they permeated by it. How could getting more vegetable be bad for
you?!?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the
middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should
only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best
feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for your figure, explain whale to me..

Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about
food and diets.

And remember:

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving
safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in
sideways - Chardonnayin one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly
used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"

AND.....

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition
and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those
conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats
and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

CONCLUSION:

Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

[Dave Bloom]

[Davelynam]

PRETTY INAPROPRIATE, but reallllllyyy funny

[Greco]

[koneco]

I lost.

[Greco]

[Greco]

"I'm his boss, what are you going to tell him?"

[Greco]

can't help but smile at this one:

[Dave Bloom]

That was so awesome.

[Dave Bloom]

[Greco]

[Greco]